Does it really matter at all in the end? Who or what we did? Most things we can't and are afraid to share because we feel no one will understand.
I opened up my world today and as scary as the process was. It still didn't change the way I felt about Love. Maybe I have lived this life before hence my cool. All I know is no one has to go through life alone.
We all made mistakes. Some more grave than the other, some transient, some we will forever keep and hold onto for the fear that the ones we love will never forgive us. Guess as hard as we try we can't help but play God.
Do I really have the strength it takes or am I fooling myself to believe the idea of being with someone wholeheartedly is what everyone should aspire for. Guess therapy although might help is just another person's opinion of how things should be.
Never asked to be born into a life where self worth is measured by deeds of the past. Nonetheless here I am asking God to make me a better person so I can at least strive for the chance to make my not so great life utopic.
I would love to have a partner who I can understand my ways and decisions I made or making in my past and present life. Someone who won't push until I feel ready to open up.
Someone who will allow me to take my not so proud moments to the grave because sometimes I truly feel its only the Most High who understands. I have been quick to judge as a result of my own shallow experience in the past but for some years now I don't seem to care anymore.
Tell me your fantasy and I will share with you an experience that will make you question the dynamics of a simple relationship. Family, friends, colleagues are no different from you and I. We chose to share what we could so our expectations of each other won't be scarred by a future slip up.
Like Lauryn Hill said: Nothing even matters anymore. I know how I feel when it comes to you and that is what matters. They say I must be a fool for never letting go. I say I know what I want and what I want is you.
You to have and hold, to build and protect, to guide and nurse, to let go and persue until our Creator calls for my soul. It hurts to know all these things happened. But its who you are. Your beauty is more than skin deep.
So love me freely and not as the woman you think I would like you to be but as the woman you would like me to have. First in the eyes of God, second in the eyes of the woman in the mirror and third in the eyes of our unborn children.
For the day you muster the strength to stand tall through it all less the fear of your past, present and future. . .is the day I know we can love freely and make this union right in the eyes of God and the ones we care about the most.
Telly Morris
Monday, December 20, 2010 at 22:50HRS
Monday 20 December 2010
Sunday 19 December 2010
The Silence
The Silence brings revelations of untold stories that might depending on your temperament push you to make that hard decision or simply leave you feeling helpless.
The Silence keeps my secrets and guards them till I allow love or the security of another to shatter it into oblivion. It is and always will be my worst adversary.
The Silence is . . . The molester, the adulterous partner, the whatever fear that stops you from wanting to believe in the power and gift of true friendship.
The Silence is that thought process you have when you wake up next to someone society says is your partner but your heart says trod on cos its the wisest choice given the circumstance: kids, power, money, the good life.
The Silence is wondering if you can make it through another month on your salary given the extent of debt you are buried in only so your partner and kids can have a ''normal'' life.
The Silence is telling yourself that a lost love will wake up and realise you were God's gift to them in this life although you won't give up your playa ways in finding satisfaction in another's arms.
The Silence is believing that a simple idea you have could change your world and the ones you love only if Life will grant you a Big Break.
The Silence is keeping that emotion in check with your best mate that you so utterly love because you are afraid the expression I Love You will change the dynamics of your whole relationship.
The Silence is knowing that although we are both married, what we feel for each other is real and for as long as its a secret the world doesn't have to know and the people we love won't get hurt.
The Silence is the soft tears rolling down my cheek because I chose a selfish path to find happiness and not live ''The Life'' just so I can be there for my little one.
The Silence is trying to replace the loss of a dear one with a pet only to scream and shout in the same manner as we would to that person we lost and never got a chance to say I Love You enough.
The Silence is always going to be all the everyday things that we box up in this clandestine world just so we can push to make the next a bit better even if it means hurting the ones we love the most.
Telly Morris
Saturday, December 18, 2010 at 20:20HRS
The Silence keeps my secrets and guards them till I allow love or the security of another to shatter it into oblivion. It is and always will be my worst adversary.
The Silence is . . . The molester, the adulterous partner, the whatever fear that stops you from wanting to believe in the power and gift of true friendship.
The Silence is that thought process you have when you wake up next to someone society says is your partner but your heart says trod on cos its the wisest choice given the circumstance: kids, power, money, the good life.
The Silence is wondering if you can make it through another month on your salary given the extent of debt you are buried in only so your partner and kids can have a ''normal'' life.
The Silence is telling yourself that a lost love will wake up and realise you were God's gift to them in this life although you won't give up your playa ways in finding satisfaction in another's arms.
The Silence is believing that a simple idea you have could change your world and the ones you love only if Life will grant you a Big Break.
The Silence is keeping that emotion in check with your best mate that you so utterly love because you are afraid the expression I Love You will change the dynamics of your whole relationship.
The Silence is knowing that although we are both married, what we feel for each other is real and for as long as its a secret the world doesn't have to know and the people we love won't get hurt.
The Silence is the soft tears rolling down my cheek because I chose a selfish path to find happiness and not live ''The Life'' just so I can be there for my little one.
The Silence is trying to replace the loss of a dear one with a pet only to scream and shout in the same manner as we would to that person we lost and never got a chance to say I Love You enough.
The Silence is always going to be all the everyday things that we box up in this clandestine world just so we can push to make the next a bit better even if it means hurting the ones we love the most.
Telly Morris
Saturday, December 18, 2010 at 20:20HRS
Tuesday 7 December 2010
A Day's Reflection
What gives some of us the strength to keep calm in the face of adversity? Heard a friend cry asking God; why?
Why does life have to be so cruel for some and so easy for others. Why should a single young black woman have to fend for her young all alone. Why do men of power only see the beauty in her reflection and not the sorrow within.
Wish there was a way I could extend my indifferent state of being to Her. Wish the next man would take a moment to reflect on the post mortem situation and not on the curves in her hips, the thickness between her thighs or the suppleness of her breast.
Some would say, Her life choices got Her here. I say we all make mistakes and sometimes honestly deserve a BREAK. A break from wondering if She needs to flirt with the next Made Man to ensure her son's school fees will be paid in full, and the little luxuries Her household enjoys do not fluctuate.
I struggle to comprehend how shallow most Men are. We manipulate our way into their lives knowing they are at our mercy. We come and go as we please leaving Her with nothing concrete.
A house which will never be a home. A vehicle which will never be Her car, and a Man who will never be her partner. What stops us from giving away what we have in excess to those we abuse physically and emotionally?
Our gift to Her would be that listening ear each time she is hurting as a result of her bad decisions, a warm hug that won't lead to any form of arousal, and ultimately an investment account that will mitigate the burden of responsibility she carries as a single working mother.
So before you undress her with your eyes the next time, take a moment and realise she is the pillar of strength to that young boy who might eventually become just like YOU.
Telly Morris
Sunday, December 5, 2010 at 00:10HRS
Why does life have to be so cruel for some and so easy for others. Why should a single young black woman have to fend for her young all alone. Why do men of power only see the beauty in her reflection and not the sorrow within.
Wish there was a way I could extend my indifferent state of being to Her. Wish the next man would take a moment to reflect on the post mortem situation and not on the curves in her hips, the thickness between her thighs or the suppleness of her breast.
Some would say, Her life choices got Her here. I say we all make mistakes and sometimes honestly deserve a BREAK. A break from wondering if She needs to flirt with the next Made Man to ensure her son's school fees will be paid in full, and the little luxuries Her household enjoys do not fluctuate.
I struggle to comprehend how shallow most Men are. We manipulate our way into their lives knowing they are at our mercy. We come and go as we please leaving Her with nothing concrete.
A house which will never be a home. A vehicle which will never be Her car, and a Man who will never be her partner. What stops us from giving away what we have in excess to those we abuse physically and emotionally?
Our gift to Her would be that listening ear each time she is hurting as a result of her bad decisions, a warm hug that won't lead to any form of arousal, and ultimately an investment account that will mitigate the burden of responsibility she carries as a single working mother.
So before you undress her with your eyes the next time, take a moment and realise she is the pillar of strength to that young boy who might eventually become just like YOU.
Telly Morris
Sunday, December 5, 2010 at 00:10HRS
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