Letting Go

How do I let go of something I am yet to experience
An emotion that seems to engulf every aspect of my simple everyday thoughts. I live a lie to protect the ones I love. Is this emotion truly a measure of how great I am feeling or is it simply my fear of not wanting another great friendship to be scarred by society's perception of what LOVE is.

Whatever the situation or outcome, I would like to let you know I have found in you a soul mate, a trusted friend, a woman I can truly be myself with. I always play with the thoughts of what if. What if I could simply say I love you each time we spoke . . .
Some seem to think what we have is ephemeral given the distance and our network of friends. . . Don't know how to express my thoughts with words that would properly convey the many desires I long for when a thought of you crosses my mind.

Maybe its purely physical, maybe its not. Maybe its your meticulous nature, maybe its the distance, that makes the idea of us being together so explosive. Maybe its how you support your family, maybe its your thought process given your age. I struggle with simple maybe's so not to upset the chemistry of what we have decided to call Friendship.

So how do I let you know. . . I want you but at the same time also let you know, I would learn to let go should you find love in another. How do I knowingly let you get hurt, only to make sure love doesn't blind the reality of what true relationships are about. How then do I not push and conquer this undying presence of you in my life? The silence, the so called busy days at work, the weddings and funerals I have attended were not always real but an excuse to keep my heart caged and devoid of emotion.

Yet I still ask myself how I managed to let you slip in and get so close. You are far from perfect and that makes me know the idea of us is not just a figment of my imagination. I might continue to love you, I might give up hope and hurt you in the process, I might flirt to confirm reciprocity. . . Maybe you feel the same and well maybe its all just maybe. No matter the maybe's I am satisfied with ONE fundamental emotion. Our friendship.

I seem to always find a way of complicating simple things . . . So before I do, I want You to be You not because it makes me happier and especially not because you feel there is no one other than me who understands you the way I do. Not looking for answers anymore. I just want to let go and feel. . . So know you have a friend who will sacrifice the need to conform for a need higher than his own.


Telly Morris
Saturday, October 16, 2010 at 22:46HRS